What to do next for myself I suppose. Finfet Improvement Designed. Sub Nano Semiconductors. Transistors. Capacitors.

I’m optimizing these sub nanometer semiconductors. I need to learn about quantum tunneling with real world data to see how it spreads through the materials. I understand how the wave function moves partially or wholly through the material if enough energy is put into it, and I’m hoping that by developing this novel production concept and new lithography set up that’s more stable and should eliminate the dreaded angled entry waste points. I also understand the wavelength that I want to use and it’s limitations and needs for what to expect to lose per build platter. It depends on the platter size of course but if I’m building 500 units across, which would be small, I could essentially lose roughly an electrons width across the platter. I call it a platter, though it wont in the technical sense.

It’s time that the tech had an upgrade. The problem is that I need to produce such a high number and get funding as well as get some traction behind me to allow for high voltage energy points. I’ve then got to work on batteries though honestly a hand crank squeezed once to produce an amplified fort nights worth of energy by chugging an alternator or two or even a stifling engine that runs off of body heat that I’ve got sitting here in my head. I know the materials I would use for it, but I doubt it would catch on, but here’s my thought process on what I’m looking to do:


I’ve designed a Finfet-style multigate transistor except it can run from any direction and do all of the functions possible from any of the other sides. It can also be redundancy proofed through a dual connection and it would still truly run any functions, even simultaneously if timed correctly.

Once I can get a server or more powerful hardware (fingers crossed to Wacom for their generosity) to build a full mole of the material or even a useful amount like what’s used in an Apple A12x chip 6.5 billion transistors. On top of that I’ve designed a capacitor that uses the semiconductors materials.

My advisor says I should patent it and then release it but I see these videos of what’s to come and the country’s where heat waves are wiping out thousands of lives, of the roughly 170,000 people dying per day and it gets to me. I know that my first patent, once in production if possible, and accepted by the community will be able to save millions of lives due to being able to go anywhere in the body. Solving the energy crisis with these designs may save future millions to billions (I know how absolutely insane that sounds and I take no ego in it). I know I want the energy spread out cheaply, and likely subsidized by their governments with my company getting a small trickle cut that would compound into a ridiculous amount if it becomes accepted. Then I can work on vertical farming, and a new toilet system for those that need it. I have so much to do.

I am a man of simple means at the moment. I live on disability and eat off of $15 per week in the U.S. which is not a lot. I’m currently sustaining myself with .38 cent burritos which I know are not good for me, but at least I’ve stopped gaining weight from my meds. I keep watching that clip of Seth Rogan as Woz, who says “It’s not binary—you can be decent and gifted.” I hope to live up to that, as I’ve not had much chance in life to do good work with what functions I do have. But I’m going to try, and I’ll keep at it until there is some positive result and someone else’s life is better. I know mine is basically over at this point, cerebral palsy, schizoaffective disorder, adhd, high functioning autism—so I may as well try to better others because when I’ve done so before, once the illness that caused the psychotic break to come on wasn’t apparent, I did help some people and I honestly felt like true self. Not a miracle worker. Just -J.

Losing Weight with Mild Cerebral Palsy and Schizoaffective disorder, and $.95 per meal. Day 2. Plus 100 days of art: Day 1.

First, today’s art.

Now, I’ve picked up a new iPad app called Clip Studio Paint. I’m in love with it already, as I enjoy desktop software more than mobile whenever possible, but I use my iPad for literally ten hours a day. I’m a huge proponent of Art Studio Pro and often over the last almost year have done my design work within it.

My goal with this software is to learn a colour portrait technique. As you can see I have a long way to go. I know if I use a grid technique with an airbrush (physical) I can do this pretty easily:

But that was my first attempt at airbrushing years ago and my hands are weaker now than then–and they shake just an itsy bit more violently. And I’ve always wanted to teach myself some form of portraiture so I can sketch people, even with the mild face blindness I seem to have. It’s not major. I can’t see myself in photos easily, and ignore people I know without realizing it sometimes. I go by voice more often than not.

So here’s to 100 days of art, and getting started with day one.

Losing Weight with Mild Cerebral Palsy and Schizoaffective disorder, and $.95 per meal. Day two.

I’ve come to find that I hate scales. The one in Arizona clocked me in under 300 lbs when I left that morning. When I checked today back in Portland I’m sitting at 309.5 lbs. Damn. About as chunky yet funky as week old cottage cheese someone left opened in the back of your car.

My goal was to have the lawn mowed by Sunday, but the part–a new carburetor– didn’t arrive until late this afternoon. Other than slicing my finger open, and needing to buy a dual set of vice grips that the clerk luckily upsold me on–which I turned out to exactly need two of to hold the damned gas tank tube in place while removing it, without a safe place to pour the gasoline out, it was a fun learning experience.

But it runs! And with immense vigor too–or not at all, which I’m assuming is probably not amazing since it’ll run itself rich the whole time I use it, but at least tomorrow I get to mow my lawns again and can not be the shameful yard on the street once again. One thing down.

I’ve also invested in some body shaming glow in the dark wrist bands. They have holes to punch through as lettering that’ll spell out almost whatever you want. My first is a “No soda” one. The next will be “no junk food” since at the moment belts and watches that once fit me when I left no longer do, and I am happily upset at myself enough to read those until they sink deep into my fat head’s perspective, and I stop craving them. I was able to do it with sugar in coffee. The hard part is not going to a cafe for an iced mocha with almond milk because my prediabetic dumb ass doesn’t understand that’s one of the things causing my issues. I think I’m just lonely, and it used to be nice to sit there and write. I wrote my first novel at the local cafe for fun. I remember vividly traipsing through the snow one winters day trying to lose weight and the satisfying skritching the metal teeth of the snow shoes I wore gave to the tile as I took them off, as I found my favorite writing seat empty. It was, and is, a pleasant memory.

Right, where was I? Exercise for the day.

When Jeanette and I lived together we would go up to the local mountain and hike up the hill, around the bend, and down and up the mountainside again. It is a roughly 4.4 mile hike, and extremely painful for me even when I was 220 lbs. So I thought fuck it, let’s see how badly off I am.

It took me an hour to get up that first hill. Roughly a miles walk. I stopped twice, in enough pain to seriously go back down the hill again and call it good. My legs are so tight at the moment that I had to manually force them in circles until the ankles loosened just enough to keep going. That’s the best I can hope for.

But I got up there. Went around to the gravel path I’ve walked hundreds of times before, and made it roughly 100 steps before turning around. I’m just too heavy to do the full thing at the moment. I also made the mistake of bringing a backpack with me that just ended up digging into the bad part of my spine the whole time. I have a proper hiking bag Dad left me when he died, and I don’t know why I didn’t use it. Embarrassing, but at least I made it up that hateful hill.

I stopped under a tree in the shade, where the grass was matted down by other travelers–which I had always been too nervous to check out, and stretched my legs.

Took this photo to show that I’m not kidding.

I’m not sure where I’ll go to walk tomorrow, but now that I’ve started the only thing I’ve got to do is keep going. I’ll have to see how many miles I walk doing the lawn.

Have an excellent night.

-J.

On being successful in the past—and trying to live up to it again.

I’ve done very little with my life so far. This may come of as self aggrandizing but it’s not meant to. I’m just lucky enough to have done some cool stuff before getting ill.

I started school at 4.5. Was that my first success? Now that I think about it–no.

Walking by my own power was. It’s something most people can do, but I needed years of extremely painful physical therapy and countless hours of parental help to stand on my own. Let alone walk. Without their help, I would have been on a walker or wheelchair for most of my life. So I can thank them for that easily enough. I’m grateful for every hike and bedridden rest period I’m able to take after a long walk.

So I wanted to talk about past successes.

My first commission was to a Royal Family in Africa. Unbeknownst to me, one of my dad’s coworkers is a legitimate princess. She wanted a portrait of her father for his 80th birthday. As well as a piece based on a family heirloom. She gave me a picture as reference but it was missing the lower half. This was almost a decade ago, when google was relatively young.

I literally spent a month searching for this heirloom in photos until I found a picture of it on someone’s mantle piece. Two days before it was due. It was not my best work. But she seemed happy enough to offer more.

My first paid camera gig was to photograph a rocket launch for NASA and the Air Force. I was amazed by the people more than anything. I did get to meet an Astronaut, who eschewed my Nikons for his Canons. I’ll admit their focus blur is buttery and I wish I could try some of their tech. It was the intense controlled focus they all shared, even when taking a break. They had spent ages working on this one shot–the last one the person who invited me would be doing, as far as I know–and by some unfortunate circumstances the cloud cover would not break over our location for anyone to see it for more than a second or two before disappearing. The shots I got were worthless. My partner’s shots were better. I’m glad I was allowed to bring her with me.

My first and only viral(ish) post came once I learned that not everyone had synesthesia and I began drawing what happens in my head with sound. A few million views came from that before I got weirdly nervous and scrapped the folder. I did reupload it later, but it was no longer relevant and that was fine-though I’ve seen it’s influence seep into some cultural things (that I probably could never prove, hah). It’s interesting to watch honestly, but I’ve never been able to replicate that level of attention again and that’s fine.

So now my goal is to get a book published or get some of my art into a museum while I work on my scientific endeavors. Just for some permanence. I was taught to burn my art as a child as it was seen as clutter so I’ve grown up with a healthy indifference to my work. It was only after my partner asked me to not do that did I start keeping pieces–though now I’ve got scores of pieces with no place to go, and an itch to cleanse myself of them if they’ll not improve my living any longer.

It was a short rise, and after that I blipped into the obscurity of the masses once again, which is alright so far–though I must admit I wish I could make a living from my art as my hands are still capable. Or perhaps a book of which I’ve written (this part is a little fuzzy at the moment. I haven’t slept and it’s 6:03 a.m.) 5 (two half books) pieces, 3.5 young adult pieces for my niece and nephews and 1.5 autobiographical diary style pieces. Oh and a hundred page 1st volume of my comic, and a silly art book that’s just for fun.

I don’t really enjoy attention that much, as it makes me physically uncomfortable. I think it’s growing up in a locked bedroom for twenty years that caused it. I once worked at a call center, and after figuring out how to get the maximum pay check mathematically–and posting it to the workers board, got a round of applause from our training group. It freaked me out so much that two days later I quit. But not before sharing the guide with the I.T. guy so it could help save the branch I was leaving–as it was one of two being considered for termination.

My understanding, according to my friend who worked there for months after, was that it worked so well for so many people that the higher ups came in and had to rework their entire pay structure to be less effective. I find that hilarious. Not for the workers affected by the changes, but just that it caused that level of turbulence.

One major success for me has been trying to go back to school. This time for multiple forms of engineering, as I’ve been teaching myself all that I can figure out how to as I design things. I have failed classes, as I do have ADHD-1 primarily inattentive. It’s likely called ADD now, but I’m too lazy to pick up a DSM-V to verify the name. Plus I got paranoid and ill for months this last term, which totally fucked me over. It was shameful. But I was able to finish my 3D modeling class and I’m in love with that sort of stuff. It’s hard, yet fun when finished.

The school is 5 miles away from my house. I can’t afford gas to go there every day, so at some time I’ll have to learn to walk there. I decided I would try it, with my backpack full the first time. I haven’t been hiking in ages. It was a stupid thing to do.

But I was successful.

Someone even left messages along the route which I wanted to share with you, just so things are kept in perspective on whatever this journey will bring.

Good luck with what you’re doing today. I’m going to try learning a new art technique if I can, before packing for my flight.

-J.