So we know that the acolyte goes to the statue and offers their vigil to the memory of the man the statue represents.
Then she goes to the ships bar, if only to blend in as she doesn’t drink herself, where behind them a massive dead planet (Trantor?–the center of the universe) is pulled to it’s demise and she says to her glass “It all ends at Trantor ( or something similar about the center of the universe.).
She makes her way back to her bunk bed/ sleeping quarters which
happens to be a large wall of rooms which are opened by keycards which
she swipes to gain entry to her own suite. She’s masquarading as an
artist and her art hangs from the walls of the suite and is mathematical
As she comes to the table there is a letter left on the “faux wooden” table which she opens. The note reads something menacing about people knowing who she is.
A cold sweat breaks across her body as the corners of the letter smolder and ignite and she’s left holding a fistful of ash.
“So they’re not entirely outdated in their approach.” She takes the ash and pours it down the toilet of the and flushes it. Above shot of it swirling away.
[Creators note] I feel that Asimov’s characters on the whole are, while not passive as they believe in a the greater plan, are not actively aggressive. I want to change that a little bit to give my character a bit of a bite/edge to her.
She rests against her bed, sitting. Not lying down, and falls into a semi sleep state.
The next day: We see a shot of the ship and how truly massive it is compared to their objects in space. They are semi planet sized to carry enough terra forming materials and peoples around the galaxies. They use photon entanglement to send transmissions to each other across vast distances.
The ship is broken up into townships that will each be their own
colony town upon landing. Most are made up of different economic
classes, but some are of mixed castes so that there is a more diverse
perspective during the initial phases of building.
“It takes all kinds isn’t a motto most ignore when doing this work.”
Each township has a governing board and mayor that have varying level of corrupt nature as most politicians would do on any planet. Some are not above trading goods or services to the lower castes to move them up in the ships ranking so they get a better domicile or what have you.
Our protagonist decides to meet up with the other town ships local acolytes and see what they think she should do. The nearest is a female sculptor who was the one responsible for placing the statue in the forest of each of the townships parks in the first place.
“Handy work there Abigail” which is of course not her real name. In fact she didn’t know her true name, as she assumed Abigail didn’t know hers. It just wasn’t done to save lives of those collected by the galactic governmental police.
Abby stops what she is doing, working with a laser to etch a plaque for the mayor who may have warranted his own statue for his town ship. The corruption was deeply rooted and you either played with it or were destroyed by it, at least until the great plan was taken into action and the corruption could be weeded out.
Abby’s suggestion is to go to the third district and see the mayor
there, one of the governing boards members able to allocate funding for
the Asmovian needs discretely, as most assumed the bribes he took went
into his own coffers and not for altruistic matters. “Go see Mayor
Stevens, he’ll have a broader view than I do on how to handle the
situation. It is not part of my plan’s allowance to help you with much,
I’m afraid to say.” Says Abbey.
The protagonist thanks her, smiles warmly, and heads out. She turns back at the door as it opens, resting her arm on the door frame: No you’ve done more than I could have hoped for. I just hope there’s something that can be done to root them out before we land, or I’ll be worrying about them the entire time I’m setting up my part of the plan.”
Abbey nods gruffly, while lowering a blast shield over her eyes and going back to the laser etching she was working before.
Upon gathering up the needed money to bribe the receptionist,
everyone gets their cut, she moves up to the third district—much the
same as the others yet imperceptively cleaner than some others, as
though the metal walls repelled dust on their own.
She makes it to the mayors office and meets the receptionist. She
hands her a voucher for 250 credits and asks for a meeting with Mayor
“What is this about?” asks the receptionist.
“I need to ask him about if he wants shipments of my paintings for his domiciles. Something soothing yet enjoyable.” She says.
The receptionist nods, as many come looking to have their wares in his stead.
“Go have a seat and I’ll buzz you through once he’s available.” Says the receptionist.
She thanks her and goes and sits under a large painting, one that just happens to be hers from a early time period.
The light over his office door flickers and goes out and a buzzer goes off faintly.
“You can go in now.” Says the receptionist.
She thanks her and heads into the spacious office.
Gleaming metal from most angles meet her, and a desk of real wood and metal separate her from Stevens and herself.
He’s a man in his late 40’s, jolly. Reddish cheeks, not from drinking, but from living through his life as directed by the second foundations wishes work load. A hard life, but enjoyable enough.
How may I help you? He asks with a knowing look.
The protagonist grimaces.
“Someone knows about us. I don’t know who yet, but I fear for our movements down below once we get planetside.”
He waves her away, motioning to a leather seat formed likely by one of his connections, as leathers of most types were quite rare of a commodity in the outer reaches. She sat. The seat made no effort to stop her, enveloping her comfortably as she rested within it’s hold.
There is always someone trying to break up the plan dear, says Mayor
Stevens. It is best to lie in wait and let them make a mistake than to
alert them that you know you’re being watched and fumble. Go about your
business and if you get more messages let me know, and I will sort them
out for you, put out my feelers as such—which little resources I have.
Until then act as though nothing is wrong or you’re going to draw
suspicion to yourself and others.
“That’s it?” She asked.
Stevens nodded and smiled.
That’s the best we can do with the current amount of information we have.
He bid her farewell and shuffled her out the door. I have much to do, I’m sorry we couldn’t talk more on this.
The door buzzed and closed behind her leaving our protagonist rather dumbstruck.
“Did you get what you needed?” Asked the receptionist?
After a momentary lapse she nodded. “More than I could have hoped for.”
The receptionist smiled and the protagonist left the office, heading once again to her domicile.
Inside Mayor Stevens office an eyeless recording device blinked twice, signaling that it required responding to.
“You see that?” She’s starting to trust in us over other people. A good sign I think. Keep an eye on her and we’ll see how well she does with this test before we land, shall we?”
He shuffled some papers, and the staring eye blinked twice, slid into the wall, and what was once something barely noticeable became smooth metal.
Getting to the Planet. Planetfall. Colonization. The resources war. The Caste War. The Plan in action. The fallout. The redemption.Opening Theme: Going to see the statue. Theme Stated: There are Asmovians aboard this specific ship and they’re working towards the Second Foundations plans on their arrival at the next colony planet, heretofore unnamed. Set-up: That would be two things: One, being her getting the note which implicates a bad guy. A second point of view would be the Mayor Stevens sending out recording drones to monitor her safely for her “test”. So perhaps it’s worth mentioning here or before that she’s not yet a full member entrusted with much but this story will be her rising through the ranks of the Second Foundation to become a full fledged core member. Catalyst: Could also be note left to her. Or perhaps a second point of reference that seems more violent in nature. Testing her resolve to remain passive in the eyes of terror. Debate: She must have this with herself. Relying on her wits. Break into Two: They notice the robotic eyes recording her and the message left behind had a specific claw imprint that only a few species have. She’s got a robotic companion that helps her produce her epic quantities of of art as well as helps her with her daily routines without knowing who she really is. She’s on good terms with the bot, though many treat them as second and third class citizens. B Story: They split up and the bot goes searching for the source of the eyes. While she goes searching for the source of the angry postings. The bot is cornered. Beaten. Broken to near destruction, but is able to upload his consciousness to a service just in time before the last hit breaks his consciousness (We see the black bar swinging into his broken vision receptors) that replaces the body for a credit loss that they can well afford.
She heads off to the lower castes lesser savory areas, bars, hangouts and starts to question looking for someone with a red claw, or the smell of fresh paint on them as it was quite strong in the alleyway. The issue being that when she’s in the bar, and it is full of the many exotic smokes of varying species she loses any possible chance of smelling her opponent out. The alcohol mixes together and smells faintly of paint thinner to her–as she had been enhanced by the foundation neurally. Fun and Games: This is where the bad guy is noticed or gets antsy, flips over a table and makes for an escape. She follows them down an alleyway and find that it is indeed Abigail who had run from the predicament.
“What are you doing running from me?” asks the protagonist.
“Once you got close enough and saw my hand I knew it would only be a matter of time before you caught on that it was me that left the message.” says Abigail.
Why would you do that to me? Scare me like that? I already don’t know who to trust around here.” Says Protagonist.
Abigail places her clawed fingers on each of the protagonists shoulders and tells her not to worry it’s all part of the plan. That she passed the first part, and can be brought into the next phase of what’s to come because she was able to not only quickly find out who had been threatening her but asked for no help in doing so. At this point an in ear communication lets the protagonist know that the robot companion has reuploaded–much to her surprise, having no idea of the attack.
“Was that you too?,” asks the protagonist to Abigail.
Abigail shook her head.
We value all life. Robot kind included. Something else on this ship is sending you a message my dear. They part ways. Abigail sends a message through an unblinking eye to Mayor Stevens that she passed with a lizard eyed wink.Midpoint: She goes back and retrieves the bot who has taken a more advanced form, with nanotech weaved throughout as a meshed skin. While sexless in the species effect they do choose to go by either male, female, or they if so desired. Hers goes as He’h, a joke he made when first allotted to her.
Places they could end up encountering the bad guys before their first battle/or their escape: school. Bar again highly unadvised. The outer hull. The shaft system where the poorest live known as the Rat Tanks/Tunnels. They would be your homeless, derelict that only made it on the ship through the skin of their teeth. (10): Bad guys close in.
So the two protagonists are heading down the tunnel when they are accosted by an old man who is very clearly drunk, but has a gleam in his eye. They begin to notice that they are being followed as species peel off the sides of the walls, and out from under refuse to follow them. They move quickly and with determination.
The old man, who smells terribly of drink and lack of bath water grabs her roughly and pulls her into a side street. A tunnel no higher than her. He stoops to stand in the space. He’h compresses down slightly to make sure he fits as well, while dimming his eyes and other light emitting parts so that they don’t get caught. The old man flings them both into a pile of dirty rags and stands in front of the hallway blocking the view, half bent over. The species following them pass by, one knocking the old man down, who sprawls out comically as he goes down. Once the group has passed beyond them he gets up, dusts himself off–as best as he can considering he fell into a half puddle of oil and water, and offers a dripping hand to the protagonist.
She shakes it with a mild feeling of disgust and relief as the threat seems to be gone for the moment.
“I’m Homnie,” says the old man, and offers a smile. One tooth is missing from his upper jaw, but it radiates all the same.
“Nice to meet you Mr. Homnie,” says He’h–always one for politeness.
“Why did you save us?” asks the protagonist.
Homnie winks. “I think you know why young ward.”
“It takes all kinds,” she thinks to her self.
“That it does–,” responds Homnie as though he heard her clear as day.
He tapped on his temple. “Got a touch of the telepathy myself. Can’t win at the horses, but I get chatter every once in a while. Helps with the character. Mad old fool talking to himself, as it is best to appear to be,”
She noted his odd way of speaking, as though he came from a much more formal upbringing than he was letting on.
“The plan has use for us all, So…,” said Homnie.
He slapped a gnarled hand over his mouth and a look of shock wracked his eyes.
“Sorry dearest, almost let your name out. Must watch that mustn’t I?” said Homnie.
The protagonist offered a worried look.
“Are there others like you-telepaths on this ship? If there are I’m likely doomed to end up buried here before we make planetfall,” said the protagonist.
“Can’t say I’ve found any, but I haven’t been everywhere on the ship yet. There’s still sector 7 and 9 to check into before I can confirm I’m the only one. Plus there are those that can hide their powers from others. Even other telepaths, with enough training,” said Homnie.
“Will you help me scout the remaining areas to see if they will allow my safe passage to the planet. The Plan as far as I know, depends on making it down there.” asks the protagonist.
The old man stuck a finger in his ear and twisted it ungracefully, flicking what he found on the end of his finger onto the ground.
“I’ll do my best. But give me a couple of days per section. It’s hard on my old bones to walk that far without a cane.
He’h responded automatically.
Producing a cane from within his synthetic weave of older wood looked worn and aged by use and handed it to Homnie.
“That’ll do the trick,” said Homnie, and twiddled his fingers at them both, smiled, and began to walk off with the gait of a much much younger man.
The interplanetary cruiser is about to make planetfall within a week or two having just come out of hyperspace (show method of curvature of light around hull using black and white holes.)
10. The Bad Guys Close in: The protagonist searches the piles of rags
at the end of the tunnel. Hundreds of bugs crawl out from underneath
them as she moves them around causing her to jump without a sound, so as
not to alert the aggressors. Towards the bottom of the pile she sees a
vent cover and feverishly digs through the pile flinging the dirty
clothes hither and fro revealing a full sized vent that she and He’h
could both fit down.
At first she tried to pry it open but it would not give, so she turns to her faithful robot companion.
His arm twists and weaves into a flat edged nanoscale pry bar and lifts the vent from its housing. Noxious gases escape from within the tunnel below in a jet stream of air and she is knocked on her backside.
She covers her mouth trying not to throw up in it and He’h points
down into the tunnel. “There is a ladder down there, giving us a chance
She nods and they make their way down the opening and the ladder which is slick with grime and almost slipping once or twice they make their way down into a sub tunnel. He’h accesses his database of the ships schematics and leads them to an opening that is passed by regularly by many species in district 7. They sit and wait until what could be considered nightfall when most of the people have gone to bed and make their entrance into the hallway, smelling to high heaven. (Stink lines?) They decide to go to the local gymnasium to bathe and He’h cleans himself by absorbing the material clogging up his systems and placing a solid chunk of debris within a waste basket.
[Creators note: I could make this a shot of her in the shower, tasteful if done right, or just after and let it be readable by more ages. I’ll have to think about it.]
On edge and unable to trust anyone the protagonist and her friend
make their way through the sector to where the docking bays are. They
happen upon Homnie hanging around the ships. Checking for loose change
by the looks of it, and sporting his new cane with utmost care.
He motions for them to come with him into a ship, which he locks them in the pilots cabin.
She slams her fists on the door demanding that they be released. He says “Tell you what. I’ll flip this coin and if it’s heads I’ll let you go and you can keep playing with your little plan and if not I blast you into the depths of space.” And flips a coin in the air, and catches it deftly. He looks it over and shows it to her.
“Oh look, you won. I knew you would.” And he begins to whistle as he walks away, jamming the door from the outside with the coin. Sparks fly from the panel.
The ship is set to auto launch and can not be altered by either of the inhabitants. She continues to slam on the door breach as it revs up and finally launches them into the star and planet filled dark. You see her screaming but hear nothing from beyond the door.
11. All is lost: There are two ways to set up a scene here. A long time has passed and they’re very unhappy. Or it’s in real time and they’re frantic. Then unhappy. Which is the way I’m going to go about it. They first take control of the ship through He’h abilities to interface with any electrical device though it is quite difficult as there are many fail safes and viruses uploaded to the main subsystems. It takes him a few days. They wander aimlessly through space. Once He’h get’s control of the ship, she calms down, and slums against the door. She had already taken note of a food replicator inside the pilots hull, as well as a small functional bathroom.
“At least I won’t go hungry or be unclean while we’re in here,” she thought to herself days ago. It calmed her.
She took long hot showers and ate sparingly to conserve her rations but keep her mood up. They eventually decide once the navigation system is up and running 5 days in to head towards the planet, realising that they had just enough fuel to make it to the stratosphere and perform a crash landing (if they’re lucky) otherwise they would miss the planet entirely and float aimlessly until she died of lack of food or recycled water.
12. Dark night of the soul: This is where she searches for her meaning. She asks herself if she’s even meant to be part of the plan whatsoever or if it was all some joke played on her to get her to lose her life in some obscure dance. She is left wanting with no answer.
13: Break into three. It will literally be a shot of the ship. Her. and He’h. No other meaning behind it. Just to get it out of the way. Or perhaps the planet with the cruiser overhead and her ship interspliced with their crew would make a better three shot. Depends.
14: Finale: The cruiser begins sending down colony ships in their sections towards their township locations. We see that Mayor Stevens is sitting at his desk watching as others depart. On one of the ships we see Homnie looking out a viewport at the planet smiling reflected in the glass.
At the same time the protagonists ship careans down into the planets
stratosphere and we see it shrink as it travels farther and closer
15. Final Image: Her ship is wrecked and her and He’h are both standing in front of it staring at a vast desert of purple sand and oddly coloured rocks.
So that is issue one done. I have go through and revise the entire thing and make sure it flows properly and that there are loose ends to tie up at some point and twists to add. Perhaps additional characters to include to pad the story farther. It depends on how well this goes. Now I need to practice drawing people and especially women and humanoid citizens. Lizard people. What have you.
Next is adding all the information together and revamping it to be clearer and more succinct.